I know, I hardly update anymore. But I was watching the Gilmore Girls the other day and Lorelai said something that cracked me up because it is exactly what I do. She's writing a letter for Luke but she can't seem to concentrate. Her mind goes like this:

"I'm writing a letter.
I can't write a letter.
Why can't I write a letter?
I'm wearing green dress.
I wish I was wearing my blue dress.
My blue dress is at the cleaners.
The Germans wore grey.
You wore blue.
Casablanca.
Casablanca's such a good movie.
Casablanca.
The White House.
Bush.
Why don't a drive a hybrid car?
I should really drive a hybird car.
I should really take my bicycle to work.
Bicycle-unicycle-unitard-hockey-puck- rattle-snake-monkey-monkey-underpants"
rory:hockey-puck- rattle-snake-monkey-monkey-underpants?
lorelai:exaclty thats what I'm saying thats a big bag of wierd in there"


LOL totally me.

Today was our first (and only) teacher day. It started off with a breakfast at the middle school (where I teach) and all the teachers in my city and admin were there. I realized then how much I missed Florida... I miss working with some amazing people: Jenn, Helen, Barbara, and even David. I missed having a place in a school. I did find the other new teacher and I was welcomed warmly into her group but it wasn't the same. Not to mention all I heard were horror stories of writing lab classes.

Apparently writing lab is the last ditch class. The class people take because they don't want orchestra, choir, or band. Yes, some students want to be there, but not the majority. I knew it was going to be a varied class but I guess I didn't realize the extent. Mishawaka also doesn't do retentions so if you fail my class *shrug* no big penalty. I hate that. Students do need to pass the ISTEP as well as their core classes or else they get summer school. But even then, they aren't held back. There aren't credits and graduation requirements for middle schoolers to worry about either. So now I'm at a loss of how to get them to believe the class can be very beneficial to them so that they will take it seriously. The teacher who taught it last year had taught it for 3 years. She said that she finally got last year's 7th graders to actually write and turn items in. I can only hope that I can do the same. I need to be strict and firm (not a big worry for that one) to keep them in line but how do I get them to understand that writing is important? Especially when they took the class as a blow off class.

Oy. Never give new teachers such horrible stories! Let us have our naive dreams! I think that helps a lot in making the year better because you can't imagine it not being that way.

*sigh... I do miss Florida

Current Location: home
Current Mood: anxious

So yesterday began my year. I started off with new teacher orientations which have been pretty cool. I was really hoping that the new reading teacher at the school I'll be at would be my age as well as common interests. No luck there. The high school teachers seemed cool and it made me miss that environment a bit. It was very different from Orlando's new teacher orientation... this one had 20 people at that was it. lol grant it, Orlando has like 20 times the number of schools that this small city does.

Anyway, meetings went by fine and then today we were actually at our schools. We got to work in our rooms pretty much all day except for lunch time when we got fed and looked over the handbook and the school's policies. That was very needed too. I got a lot done in my class but I still have a lot more to do. I'm amazed that what I did was just one day's worth of work... I didn't stop going and I feel exhausted. What sucks is that I know I have more to do... and tomorrow we are back at the administrative center for computer stuff. I'm hoping that won't last too long and I can go back to the school and continue working. I have a lot more wall space than I'm used to having! My room has NO windows. Weird. I'll have to post some pictures once the room is in order.

I met a few other teachers too. One from the English department who was pretty cool. It's weird, here they have a supply closet where you can take whatever you want just as long as you write it down. They will try and get you anything you want too if they can. Teachers don't get a stipend for supplies (like in Orlando) but the school tries to make up for that. I'm just so used to a lot of restriction with supplies. And I can copy as much as I want... I felt so wrong doing that! I don't even have to use my own paper! I was even allowed to laminate anything I felt like it- that was pretty cool though. I've never laminated before lol. I get excited about the weirdest things, I know.

I'm looking forward to the school year though. The people at the school seem nice and willing to help me. I'm hoping I get to find some people I can click with like I did in Orlando. I think I may have just been really lucky in Orlando though.

Current Mood: tired

So I see my last entry was in October. As you can tell, teaching sucked the life out of me once more and I was too drained to write anything. Some quick updates: Ben got a job at Bayer in Feb. and had to be there (in Indiana) by the end of that month. I honestly have to say that I HATED this whole thing. I want Ben to be happy in work but I loathed the idea of being in Florida by myself. I know me... I knew what would happen. Plus, I had REALLY looked forward to going to school at Wayne State for my masters where my brother also goes. I had really wanted that degree...

Anyway, Ben took the job, and moved. I stayed on in Florida feeling slightly dumped and depressed. The three months went by very quickly though. My students and co-teachers saved me from the depression I thought I'd sink into. Now, before I go on, let me say it wasn't because Ben left me in Florida that I thought I would go into a depression. It was that I had no close friends (although Jenn was getting to be one) and no close family nearby and I love to be with people who make me laugh. If I had had Sherry and BJ to live with again, I would have had no problem!

So now I'm in Indiana. I was frankly VERY scared I would have no job opportunities here and the library science degree I want is about 3 hours south of here. There were serious moments of doubt of what I could do in this seemingly small (yet weirdly not) town. I had started to apply for jobs WAY before I left Florida and got my recommendations and everything together (my third one came the day AFTER I had an interview... And she was the first one I asked for one). When I called to ask about the two high school jobs that I had been told were opened, they seemed baffled by my name and no record of my application. I had applied in April. This was June. The two jobs were gone by that time. The wonderful secretary though told me of an opening at the one middle school in town. I jumped at it. I prepared well for the interview and I thought I had done a good job. But I couldn't read the people very well and had no idea where I stood. I walked out though knowing I did the best I could. July 11th, 3 days after my interview, while I was at a wedding reception, I get a phone call from the middle school principal. I got the writing lab instructor position!!! I was (am) SO excited! It made my weekend. To top it off, that was my birthday weekend. Ben and I planned to leave the reception to make our way to Chicago where we were going to see Wicked (freaking amazing) and to find our way around the city using only our feet and public transportation. I had the best birthday weekend! One thing would have made it the most memorable but alas...

Now that we're up to date... lately I've been trying to get into more hobbies. Ben and I signed up to volunteer at the pet refuge where we will be going for training next week Friday. I'm really looking forward to that!! I've also started to play my flute a lot more as well. Right now it's in for a tune-up and pad replacements and I won't have it back for about two weeks. I'm also researching the whole buying a house thing. I've got several books from the library and I'm making a pretty good go at it. However, with the school year starting in a week, it'll be put on the back burner for a bit while I get my lesson plans and first week stuff into order.

This weekend I'll be going home to see the family. I haven't been back to Saginaw in a long time. Not that I mind that. I don't like that city at all and wish I could persuade my family to leave it too. But it should be a good weekend nonetheless.

Oh! I'm going to be an aunt! My brother and his wife are going to have a little boy come December!!! I'm very excited about that!

Tags: aunt, indiana, job, updates
Current Location: home
Current Mood: hopeful

I believe I'm having some sort of quarter-life crisis at the moment. I no longer wish to stay at my job... I do like it but I don't want to do it right now. Not at all. It seems like I look in the mirror and get older with every day. I don't like going to work then coming home to dinner and crashing. That's my week. Nothing exciting. How is that living?? I feel almost like I am wasting my life a bit... and I'm starting to look more and more like my mother. I don't want that. I am thinking of some kind of drastic moves... like dying my hair (not that drastic, I know. Especially since I've done it before), cutting it again, and maybe, finally, getting the tattoos I want. I don't want to change who I am as a person, but just a few outside changes would be nice. I just want to be more me again instead of what I have always assumed a teacher is supposed to look like. I don't like the stereotype and the social responsibilites that come with being a teacher. I knew it going into it, so I only have me to blame. But I can't continue doing this. Not yet, I'm still young and I want to be able to live a bit more before going to teach. I want to teach about life as well as how to write and read... I don't feel qualified enough to do that yet.

Oy. I do sometimes wish I could just drown out all thought. I normally play music as loud as I can, normally wearing headphones, and I just lay on my bed or floor and let it take me away. I don't know what I would do if music didn't exist. I don't think I'd be able to breathe without it some days.

The other day I told a student to take a shit instead of take a seat... God I never heard him laugh so hard lol. Now they won't let me forget it... lol my tongue got in the way!

I can be so random...

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Flogging Molly. Loud enough to shake the walls lol

Woohoo for the start of hurricane season! And when the air conditioner is on all the time. Not because it's unbearable out, it's a normal temperature, 80's and such. No, we have it on because otherwise our carpet gets too damp. That's how humid it is. I thought people were just exaggerating about it... I was wrong. Alright, so really it was just really bad that one day when tropical storm barry was coming on through. It's still thick outside so we still have the air on otherwise mold will grow.

Does anyone know what weevils are? We had them. In our macaroni, spaghetti, shells, crackers, and ... I think that's it. We had to throw out so much of our food because of them! We went and bought plastic bins so that way we won't have to worry as much about them... Not fun. But fun to say. Weevils.

Other than Sherry's wedding which I'll be home for (going home on Friday!!! Yay!) nothing new is happening. I did cut my hair though. And I mean CUT it. I just wanted them to go a little above my shoulder, just a little so I could still put it in a ponytail... well I still can but it's a stub really. My hair is about chin length. OY! It hasn't been this short since my freshman year (college)!! I freaked out a bit and called Sherry. It's so short I didn't know if they'd be able to do anything to it for the wedding! I hope they can, she assured me they can anyway lol.

Besides that I'm starting to catch up on my reading. As well as reading what the school has in the English department. That way I can actually contribute some when we talk about what books to get, what isn't used, what should be used, etc.

Current Location: home
Current Music: Flogging Molly

I apologize to everyone who has read my latest posts of the woe-is-me variety... I'll stop that now. It was just a bit overwhelming at first and I needed to vent.

Anyway, Florida is an interesting place. It isn't home yet but I have gotten used to the constant warm weather. Now it's getting into summer weather though which means 90+. So far it's been alright although we are driving a car without air. Right now we are surviving with it lol but later in the summer I can see this being difficult. Especially since the driver side window doesn't roll down.

There are some rather random animals around here too. We have a raccoon who normally drops by our patio a few times a week. We call him Bob. Because what else would you call him lol. The love bug season has started too. At the moment it's not bad and they are just mere annoyances. I can see it being a problem later on in the month though.

Next month starts hurricane season. I'm not really worried about it. Orlando doesn't usually come out of it faring horribly. It's not the storm that I'd be worried about anyway. Most people can find a place to survive in for the duration of the storm. It's the after-math that makes me worried. Well I wouldn't call it worried, just concerned.

My seniors are done in a week! It's rather exciting to see them set off in the life that I had only recently left (and still miss dreadfully). I kind of hope they come back to see me. People change a lot in that first year and I will wonder what kind of people they turn in to.

As far as my career goes well... after my seniors leave next week I still have a week of nothing to go. Seniors are done a week before everyone else. Then I have a few days of post planning to get through. It will be interesting to say the least. And probably really boring... So, expect some phone calls people! I will probably start planning a few things for next year with my 9th graders but I can't do much until I get the new standards. Also, the whole school is being moved around so I may have to help with some moving things too. Not sure what yet... but I do know I'm going to be in one of the portables. This will be nice for a few reasons: one, it'll seem more private but yet not incredibly isolated (portables will be all around me) and two, it's right next to where I'll park :) lol I'm sure there will be other nice things too. I'll have the whole portable to myself and no neighbors. That'll be rather nice since if my students get loud during activities, I don't have to worry about distrubing my neighbor. That will be awesome.

Alright that's all from me for a while. :)

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Flogging Molly: ??

life is expensive. here's a tip: don't grow up. Stay home. Milk it for all it's worth. The worst part of leaving home and moving far away means that no one is there to help you. So say you get stranded at... hmm... the Florida mall for example because your car is a piece of shit from MI that is rusted all to hell and will cost $400 to fix when you have JUST started getting money and are already close to 35000 in debt as it is... if you are close to home, you know you have people to bail you out. Otherwise you're left stranded in a parking lot trying not to cry and praying your cell phone doesn't die before the tow guy comes...

I swear, some days... it just gets worse

So. First full of week of teaching. I'm tired. And stressed. The students are as expected, they aren't incredibly bad but I know they don't like the change to me from their old permanent sub. Well some do and others don't. Anyway, the biggest stress thing for me here is that everyone seems to expect that I know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't mean in the classroom- I mean about stuff in the school and all about Florida education. Yeah. Because I've had time to do that research. Yes I did do some of course, about the FCAT, and the standards, and all that. But not enough apparently. I won't go into detail but let's just say I feel some of it is a bit stupid. It's also making me feel stupid.

I suppose I had hoped too much for some nice gestures from people because I am the new teacher (oh, that no one knows about by the way) who's first day was literally: "They read this book and this book in the beginning and just finished Macbeth's act 3. Good luck." So I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. I looked through the students old work just to see how Macbeth had been taught and I'm going by that and still trying to put my own touch into it too. But I'm freaking stressed out about all of this. I've already heard this too: "they are seniors. You are a new teacher and if they don't pass, you will get the beating for it." So pretty much, I have to make sure they pass, one way or another. Which as a teacher I am supposed to make sure they pass but this seemed more like a "make the work easy so they can get out" sort of thing.

...




oy.

Current Location: home, thank god
Current Mood: stressed